It all started with a late night C-section on June 29th, 2011. I was having a lot of contractions and with two previous c's, there were some risk factors with that. I was only 37 weeks, but he looked to be a good size and Mia was born healthy at 37 weeks. They handed me this perfectly chubby 7 pound 13 ounce baby boy. It was a truly special moment. In fact that picture is still the wallpaper on my phone because right after that, things began to unravel!
I considered telling my doctor how stressful it was...maybe a little medication would have helped. I really wanted to avoid that as much as possible. I have avoided it through this whole grief process, so starting now didn't seem right. I resorted to prayer, quiet time, and some good girl talk to survive.
Once his personality starting showing, things did get a little better. He has an infectious smile and the cutest lopsided dimples that I have ever seen. He doesn't know a stranger and loves to play with toys all by himself. (Something his sister still struggles with.) We now know the allergens that are the root cause of a lot of his problems and since we have figured those out, life has completely changed for the better. He sleeps great, eats great, and is generally a very happy guy. I have completely fallen for him, head over heals, just like everyone warned me I would!
I used to always say that I LOVED babies. Having lost one, I just clung to the special moments that you get when they are so young. Tripp and I did not really get those moments and I had to change my heart to welcome this unique little into my world. I think I am officially changing my "favorite" age to 1! I am supposed to be one of the those Moms that has perfect perspective, right? I have seen the worst of the worst, so everything else is just roses??? That is what I have tried to tell myself all year. That is where God just took over. I am not in control of my own life, I never have been. He hands me the reigns everyone once in a while to see if I can handle it, but I lose sight of the big picture and he has to remind me once again who is in control.