Monday, February 27, 2012

It is THAT week, Again...



Well, it is here again. The anniversary of the worst week of our lives. I can't believe it has been 4 years since we lost our sweet Lilly. A part of me once to just breeze right over it. I don't want to cry or hurt, I want to just ignore. But God has placed too many reminders in our lives this year that are forcing us to slow down and really reflect on this time. Sweet Chloe turns four today. She is such a sweet blessing in our lives, but her birthday is always a little bittersweet. The last picture we have of Lilly is going to meet Chloe at the hospital when she was born. They were destined to be the best of friends.

The Day Lillies in our garden have started blooming this week. Another beautiful, but bittersweet reminder of losing Lilly.

I attended a memorial service for a sweet baby girl, Quinn, on Saturday. It was a beautiful service and such a testimony of faith. The pastor said something that resonated with me. He said that we need to start thinking of this earth as the "land of the dead" and eternity in heaven as "the land of the living." Most people think the opposite. People said things like that too us when we first lost Lilly and I had a hard time absorbing it. I knew she was in heaven, I knew we would see her again someday, but the immediate response of a Momma is that no one can do it better than you. I selfishly wanted my little girl in MY arms. I am sure my sweet friend Alison feels the same. Four years later though, I can appreciate his words. I look forward with anticipation to that day. I have no bucket list or things I want to do. The Lord can call me home anytime.

Then, ironically, some friends lent us the movie Courageous to watch. They warned it was a tear jerker, but I had no idea what that meant! The story hit us really close and again I was given the message from God to slow down and really reflect on this time.

Sunday morning, the message was still getting sent to me. Our pastor was talking about the new life we have in Christ, but that it is important to remember where we came from. He said to keep a journal and take pictures of our tear and mascara stained faces so that we never forget the pain.

By then I was saying. "OK GOD, I HEAR YOU!" I am going to stop and reflect this week. I am going to remember my precious girl, I am going to let myself remember the darkest day and the phone call that Richard had to make. I am going to remember the pinkest most beautiful service you have ever seen. I am going remember the cards, letters, visitors that poured over us. I will reflect on the peace that surrounded us that only the Lord could have provided. I will also cling to my amazing husband as I did then. This year though, I get to embrace two beautiful blessings. They fill my heart so much and bring me joy that four years ago I never thought I would have again.

Richard and I came across this picture of us and Lilly a few weeks ago. I told him I could not believe how young we looked in the picture. He responded, "Well Jenn, we have had a lot of growing up to do since then." AMEN to that!

I pray that everyone slow down a little this week and reflect on the blessings and the pain this life has brought you. We all have loss in our lives, but if you have Jesus, we know that we will one day be in the "land of the living." There will be no more pain, just pure joy!

Love to you all!
Jenn

18 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry, Jenn, that you have such a tough week ahead of you. I'm praying that the Lord will comfort you in ways you didn't think possible. As a mother, my heart breaks for you. She sure is precious.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jennifer, this was very generous of you to share your deepest thoughts of such an unbelievable event in your lives. I have been blessed by your reflections. I celebrate and appreciate you and your family. Much love dear one and I know you are finding joy in God's love for you all. Aunt Cyn

    ReplyDelete
  3. Should not have read this at work. Absolutely beautiful. I am going to remember this post when my son is being a typical toddler and just squeeze him a little bit just because I can. Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beautifully written...may hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. praying for you this week. and definitely remembering how blessed i am when things get tough with my little guy. take care :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Praying for you all this week. I pray you are flooded with the most precious, sweet memories of Lilly and a peace that continues to surpass all understanding...and what a fantastic thing to look forward to again one day...holding that sweet girl again. Where would we be without that hope we have?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Many hugs and prayers heading to you, Richard and the kiddos this week from AZ.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I started following your blog when Lilly passed away. You and your husband have shared such a wonderful testimony of how God heals after loss. I have enjoyed watching your family grow. I continue to pray for your strength as I can only imagine what you have been through without Lilly. May God continue to strengthen and bless your family.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Beautiful! You guys are amazing. I will be praying for you this week and sending up extra prayers on Saturday. I don't know if you remember giving us some of Lilly's stuff for Molly and now Hattie uses them. They remind me of her often and your precious family.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Many prayers for you this week and I hope one day to be able to tell you and Richard what your sweet Lilly did in our life and in our family and what she taught me. What a beautiful testimony you have.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I too started reading your blog just after Lilly passed away. Although I have never met you, your story and your Lilly continue to touch my life and, as a result, the lives of my children. Thank you for the fresh reminder to slow down and enjoy my greatest blessings. May God bless you and your sweet family.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ok Jenn, I am crying too now! Lilly was such a sweet blessing during her short time on earth. She will always be remembered. It brings my heart joy to see God's faithfulness to you in the faces of sweet MIa and Tripp. LOVE your family!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I always remember this week. Lilly's death was the most horrible thing I have ever been through and it still amazes me how you guys have handled everything so well. I was flipping through Lola's baby book last week and there is a picture of her and Lilly the week before she passed away. It immediately brought tears to my eyes. Praise God that we have assurance of eternal life and that you will see that sweet girl again. Definitely makes you long for heaven! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am so sorry for your loss. We will soon be at the 3rd anniversary/birthday for the little boy we lost when I was 9 months pregnant. Freak umbilical cord accident.

    ((hugs from a mom who understands))

    ReplyDelete
  15. We're praying for you guys as you look back on the week you lost Lilly. You and Richard have always amazed us with your strength and grace through all that you have endured. How blessed your little ones are to have you both. Lots of love to you guys!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I've stumbled across this blog, via a friend who is a follower of yours.

    This recent post really touched my heart. 5 years ago this past January my husband and I had to say goodbye to our firstborn babies, twins, Quinn and Addison. Your written words truly express how I feel and felt with the anniversary.

    Blessings to you and your family during this time!

    ReplyDelete
  17. lump in my throat and tears in my eyes- you already know they've been there all week. can't help but remember that week and hurt all over again.

    love you much, bestie. you're the strongest momma i know.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thinking of you & Richard today and remembering beautiful Lilly. So grateful for how God has redeemed much of that hurt and loss. You've fixed your eyes on Him and there is nothing more beautiful than seeing a Godly mother! Love you all.

    ReplyDelete