Monday, February 27, 2012
It is THAT week, Again...
Well, it is here again. The anniversary of the worst week of our lives. I can't believe it has been 4 years since we lost our sweet Lilly. A part of me once to just breeze right over it. I don't want to cry or hurt, I want to just ignore. But God has placed too many reminders in our lives this year that are forcing us to slow down and really reflect on this time. Sweet Chloe turns four today. She is such a sweet blessing in our lives, but her birthday is always a little bittersweet. The last picture we have of Lilly is going to meet Chloe at the hospital when she was born. They were destined to be the best of friends.
The Day Lillies in our garden have started blooming this week. Another beautiful, but bittersweet reminder of losing Lilly.
I attended a memorial service for a sweet baby girl, Quinn, on Saturday. It was a beautiful service and such a testimony of faith. The pastor said something that resonated with me. He said that we need to start thinking of this earth as the "land of the dead" and eternity in heaven as "the land of the living." Most people think the opposite. People said things like that too us when we first lost Lilly and I had a hard time absorbing it. I knew she was in heaven, I knew we would see her again someday, but the immediate response of a Momma is that no one can do it better than you. I selfishly wanted my little girl in MY arms. I am sure my sweet friend Alison feels the same. Four years later though, I can appreciate his words. I look forward with anticipation to that day. I have no bucket list or things I want to do. The Lord can call me home anytime.
Then, ironically, some friends lent us the movie Courageous to watch. They warned it was a tear jerker, but I had no idea what that meant! The story hit us really close and again I was given the message from God to slow down and really reflect on this time.
Sunday morning, the message was still getting sent to me. Our pastor was talking about the new life we have in Christ, but that it is important to remember where we came from. He said to keep a journal and take pictures of our tear and mascara stained faces so that we never forget the pain.
By then I was saying. "OK GOD, I HEAR YOU!" I am going to stop and reflect this week. I am going to remember my precious girl, I am going to let myself remember the darkest day and the phone call that Richard had to make. I am going to remember the pinkest most beautiful service you have ever seen. I am going remember the cards, letters, visitors that poured over us. I will reflect on the peace that surrounded us that only the Lord could have provided. I will also cling to my amazing husband as I did then. This year though, I get to embrace two beautiful blessings. They fill my heart so much and bring me joy that four years ago I never thought I would have again.
Richard and I came across this picture of us and Lilly a few weeks ago. I told him I could not believe how young we looked in the picture. He responded, "Well Jenn, we have had a lot of growing up to do since then." AMEN to that!
I pray that everyone slow down a little this week and reflect on the blessings and the pain this life has brought you. We all have loss in our lives, but if you have Jesus, we know that we will one day be in the "land of the living." There will be no more pain, just pure joy!
Love to you all!