Wednesday, November 14, 2012

5? It is hard to imagine...


My sweet Lilly would have been 5 today. I just have to admit to all of you that I am really sad this year.  Grief is a journey, ups and downs, good days, bad days. Now, 5 years later, it seems there will be good years and bad years. 

5 is hard for me to swallow. It is when cute little girls become little ladies. They speak differently, play differently, and really begin to grow into who they will become. I know this because God has surrounded me with precious little girls all around Lilly's age. They each mean so much to me and it is a gift getting to watch them grow. Mia is so in love with Bennett, Stella, and Chloe. We pray for them nightly and she can't wait for any opportunity to spend time with them. While Mia may never have a sister here on earth, these girls fill a huge void for all of us!
I don't know what the reasonable time limit is on grief, but I am struggling with that. Will this always be my "story." Will I always have to worry about this day and if I can "hold it together" for these 24 hours. Maybe that is another reason why this year is hard...5 years seems like plenty of time to heal. It might be time for me to admit that this may never completely heal. I will think of Lilly everyday for the rest of my life and I will cry on her birthday, looking at our Christmas card, and on the day she went to be with Jesus every year. 

Thank you SO much to all of you who share in this journey with us. Your love is constantly unfailing and I am so humbled by that. 

Happy Birthday Sweet Lilly! We love you and celebrate your life on this very special day!

Jennifer

14 comments:

  1. Sending all the love today, xoxo.

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    1. Thanks Jacki! You are a special part of my journey!

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  2. Hugs to you and Richard. Praying for you. Love you!

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  3. Praying for you today. 5 years is not too long to grieve. I still remember the night I sat at my computer with my 3 1/2 month old sobbing my eyes out reading about her becoming an angel. That night rings in my mind quite frequently. I believe GOD puts it there for me especially when he frustrates me! I remember that night just holding him crying and praying for you and how you would give ANYTHING to be in my shoes at that moment with my now alsmot 5 yr old. I follow your blog almost daily and feel a slight connection because of that. Keep up the great work you are doing fantastic!!!

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    1. Thank you for your encouragement and loyal following :)! Squeeze that precious little guy for me!

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  4. Hello Jennifer,
    I must admit when I first found your blog and read through past posts I happen to read the one where baby Lilly was called to be with God. I cried. You know what's beautiful? The fact that Lilly lives on in both Mia and Tripp. I can see her in both of them.
    I hope you are surrounded with the love of family, especially today.
    hugs,
    Grace

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  5. peace,love and prayers for you both today.

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  6. I've been following your "journey" since hearing about you from Beau and Michelle almost 5 years ago. At the time, I was a new momma, as well...my little one will turn 5 tomorrow...and just couldn't fathom what you were going through (and still can't!). Praying for you all.

    Beth

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  7. I prayed for you guys today when I saw your post on fb. I can only imagine your grief, but following your blog over the years I am in awe of what a strong and faithful mom and family you all are. Lots of love to you and Richard.

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  8. Richard and Jennifer~
    You have been in our thoughts all day long. We want to hold you and love you and make your pain go away, but we thank God that you have each other and that you can walk through this together. Jesus said, "blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted." It is our prayer that you will find comfort and sweet peace in Him. You are so loved.
    Mom and Dad

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  9. Sweet Lilly. Praying for you guys!

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  10. It's so hard to believe you are out there, dealing with almost exactly the same thing. our lila would have been five on november 7th, i always check in here to see how you are doing. our girls are with jesus....

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