Friday, May 9, 2008

Mother's Day

I have missed Lilly very bad this week. I don't know if it because Mother's Day has been the theme of the week or if it is because I am hurting with Joel and Joy. My heart longs for her so much. Richard and I are doing pretty well most days, but this year of "firsts" will be difficult.

I also want to let our mothers (Carol and Cathi) know that we love them and are thinking about them on this special weekend. They are both so loving and selfless. I know it will be a bittersweet day for them as well.

My testimony and faith are still steadfast though. I trust in God's plan and that good things will come from this experience. Whether it is in our lives or those around us, that truth brings us so much hope. Having Lilly, even for a short time, was the greatest gift God has ever given me. And though are hearts are sad, I am still thankful that I got to know her and fall head over heels in love with her. We are not asking God why, just "what now?"

I wanted to share some special pictures that I will hold close to my heart this Mother's Day.

Here is when we met for the first time. You can see my first tear. It was a beautiful day.

Here is Lilly at 6 weeks. She helped throw a shower for Chloe. I was having the time of life!Lilly at her 3 month photo shoot. I am so thankful for this picture!
Sweet Lilly, I love you so much. I would have loved to share this special weekend with you, but even though we are not together, you will always be my little angel!

32 comments:

  1. I came upon your blog through another friend's blog. I have been praying for you ever since. We are miles apart in distance and don't even know each other. But please know that I am praying for you and your family. You are an amazing lady and a huge inspiration to me !

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  2. Jennifer, you have been on my mind all week. I can only imagine how hard this weekend will be, but your sweet spirit and testimony is such an inspiration. We love you and you are in our prayers.

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  3. I too came across your blog through friends of friends. I continue to be amazed at you and your husband's faith! Your trust in our Lord is remarkable and there is no doubt in my mind that He will continue to use your precious family to grow His kingdom and comfort those in time of need. I will continue to pray for you, especially on this special weekend. Praise God for you and your family and thank you for your inspiration!!!

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  4. What sweet, precious words about your sweet Lilly! I have been thinking about you all week.

    I remember the first time I found your blog (through Amanda Ramsey), and saw that picture of you and Lilly with the tear going down your check...tears filled my eyes. I could just imagine that very sweet moment.

    I will continuing praying for you guys in the days and weeks to come. I think about y'all often!

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  5. I happened upon your blog through a friends {Melissa Miles} and wanted to express how much your words have touched my soul and heart. Although I do not know you, I wanted to extend my prayers and thoughts that you will have peace and comfort, especially this weekend. Lily is breathtaking and I know one day you will be united once again.

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  6. What an inspiration you are to me and everyone that you touch! You have been so strong and the way you and Richard have leaned on God for your support and peace is incredible and such a testimony! I know God is using you already to help others! However, i can only imagine how tough and sad this weekend will be -- I pray that it would also be a weekend to laugh and remember! We love you guys and will be thinking of you this weekend!

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  7. You are definitely an inspiration to everyone...including me! I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. This post and those pictures brought tears to my eyes. You are truly amazing! Love you!

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  8. Thanks Jenn for sharing, and now I get to tell you that you made me cry! I love those pics of you and little Lillows (remember I used to call her that and you couldn't say it, because it is such a silly nickname?). I want to celebrate you this mother's day because you are such amazing momma, and I know you miss your angel. Remember invites open to hang out Sunday night and grill if yall want to just call. I also am thankful to God for you and what a selfless friend you are - you calling to help me in a time that is hard for you. Love you!

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  9. That is the sweetest blog post I have ever read. I have been thinking about you all week, as I know Sunday will be a tough day for you. I am so thankful that our friendship is growing and I am so inspired by your faith and strength. You were the best Mommy that Lilly could have asked for.

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  10. Found your blog through your sweet comment on AudreyCaroline.
    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you for all you endure.
    Lily is sure a lucky girl to have you for her mom.
    May you find peace and comfort on Sunday, not an easy thing, but want you to know my prayers include your name tonight.
    She is beautiful, by the way.

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  11. Thomas' --I think of you often and pray for you to be strong in the Lord. As I read this post...I have no idea how you are so strong but God does and He's the only One that can. What an inspiration you all are to us. I know our Lord is glorified in you often and loudly. Blessing and prayers--love, ejw

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  12. praying for you. the first are the hardest

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  13. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing your heart. I really loved what you said...not asking why, just what now. What an amazing perspective.

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  14. Jennifer,

    This week and every week I cherish you as my sister and closest friend. I miss you so much and I want to squeeze you. This week I cling to the hope that we profess in Christ, and I am going to our heavenly Father for you. I pray you are feeling His Grace, Peace and most importantly His GLORY. The pictures of Lil are precious. We love you so much!!!!

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  15. I love the pictures of you and Lilly. I love looking at ALL of Lilly's pictures. I love the memories I have of her and will always cherish them. Like when you and Lilly picked me up at the airport and we had lunch at Snuffer's and went Christmas shopping. She was perfect. When I brought her to your office to meet everyone - perfect again! Her reaction to "Angelina" --priceless! She was so expressive and engaging. I loved hearing her baby talk - she had a story to tell didn't she! (She loved talking to the baby in the mirror) I love that Lilly was such a cuddle bug. So adorable and irresistable! I loved watching you be a Mommy. You were perfect. Nursing Lilly was so beautiful and natural for the two of you. She loved that. I thank God for the memories of Lilly and for the imprint she left on our hearts. I love you more than you could ever know and want you to know that you are cherished and honored - as my daughter - as Lilly's Mommy.

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  16. Such beautiful words. Like so many have already said, you are both such an inspiration to us all! You were and are such an amazing MOTHER. I know this week has been hard and tomorrow will be trying, but please just know that we (along with many others) will be on our knees for you guys.
    I just love looking at these pictures. The first one just blows me away; what a special bond b/w mother and daughter. That is a day that I will never forget! We all have so many great memories of that precious little girl.
    We both love you guys so much!

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  17. Please know that I continue to pray for you as the Lord lays you on my heart. I will be praying for you tomorrow, as I know it will be a trying day. Praying for the peace that HE ALONE can give, a peace that passes all understanding! Happy Mother's Day, and thank you for your willingness to share your story. You are a blessing to more than you will ever know.

    Blessings,
    Jennifer (Meeks) Johnson

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  18. You are most certainly an inspirtaion to everyone. We are thinking of you and praying that you feel God's love around you. You are such an amazing family and you have touched so many.

    We love you,
    Greg, Susanna and Kailey Blanchard

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  19. you and your husband are in our thoughts and prayers. i have been so touched by your story. i am inspired by your strength. i pray you will have more sweet than bitter tomorrow. happy mothers day. :)
    ~amy (my husband is sam's cousin)

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  20. What wonderful pictures! You have been on my mind all week. You are in my prayers.

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  21. I can't imagine what you are feeling this week and especially today. I wish so badly Lilly was here to celebrate your first Mother's Day. I miss her so much too, and I just hurt for you today. You are a wonderful mommy and Lilly was blessed to have all of your love. I'm thinking about you today and always.

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  22. I was just getting ready for church and I was praying for all the people who don't have Mother's today and all the Mother's who have suffered the loss of a child. You immediately came to my mind. I've been reading your blog for a while now but never posted. I just wanted you to know I prayed the LORD would give you an extra measure of strength today.

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  23. I absolutely LOVE the picture of the first time you held Lilly. I remember the day that Richard sent us the picture. It brought happy tears to my eyes and in that moment I thought, her life has changed forever. (Remember the days when we couldn't even imagine having a child?) What an imprint they leave on our hearts!

    I have been thinking of you all week. I have been driven to my knees in prayer for your strength and God's grace, especially for this day. You are such an amazing person and bring so much inspiration to my life.

    I hope you find comfort today in the special memories you have with your sweet angel. You are a wonderful Mom - and we are celebrating you today. I know Lilly is smiling down upon you with those fabulous big blue eyes and thanking the GOOD LORD that you are her Mommy!

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  24. I am praying for you...I found your website through a link on another friend's blog. After two miscarriages, my husband and I adopted our two daughters. I couldn't imagine the pain and suffering of losing one at three months of age. My heart goes out to you. Trust in God, and stay strong.

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  25. Thinking of you today. Hope you guys are doing ok.

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  26. My mom and I thought of you all day yesterday. We prayed for you often and remembered your sweet Lilly. We love the pictures and we are so thankful for your faith and testimony. It has helped us all so much, more than you know.

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  27. Jennifer, I am not sure if you will remember me or not, but we were in the same graduating class at A&M ( Jessica White forwarded me a link to your blogs). I am so sorry for your loss, I know that Lilly was your world, and I can't even imagine what it is like to be without her. I remember you as quite an amazing young lady, but you have grown into an even more amazing wife and mother. Our God is an awesome God and he has given you an amazing testimony! I am so glad to see that you are keeping your faith in Him, because I already see Him using you to work in the lives of others. This is one of my favorite scriptures (I am sure that you know it, but it encourages me on a daily basis) "I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength. Philippians 4:13" You and Richard are in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Jenny Sebesta (Watson)

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  28. Oh I am so sorry and my heart just aches for you.

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  29. After learning about you through my cousin (johnna) I have thought about you and your family ever since. You are in my prayers everyday. Because of you and your faith, you have inspired me to live every day to the fullest and enjoy every precious moment in life. I know words could never take the pain away, but I want you to know that you are very special to many people and you have changed many peoples lives..many that you have never even met...including me!

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